SO YOU FAKED IT AND YOU MADE IT?
You did it! You studied, learned, worked hard, dominated and finally became successful. Maybe you’re making millions, maybe somewhat less but money is definitely not your problem. You make more than you care to spend.
You’ve tried it all: Culture, travel, fun sports, art galleries and museums, expensive hotels and restaurants – and being honest: all those bore the hell out of you. Only recently – out of shear desperation – you began investigating the market of modern spirituality – and most likely found that at these heights the air gets claustrophobically thin.
So what do you do now with your money – your status – your leadership – your professional attitude? Should you raise a family? Really? You? You’ve spent your life becoming someone and now that you are you should become one of those losers that peddle their offspring – like chicken on a perch – on crowded city playgrounds? That would be humiliating! If you do have kids half the thought that should be invested into how you raise them is directed at how to avoid being like all those other assholes – trying to win some prize by forcing the very same life onto their kids that made them just as unhappy as you.
Isn’t it the weirdest thing? You have everything! The position, the car, the apartment(s), the clothes, the vacations, multiple partners – all those things! Do you even have a right to whine – when you are so fortunate? What could it possibly be that you are missing?
The unfortunate answer is: Everything! Your whole life is built on a lie: That you are this person you show everyone!
The truth is: You never wanted any of this! You wanted to be free! Even more than being in love you wanted the liberty to shape your life into what you wanted and you pursued your position, your education because it seemed the way to get there. Money buys freedom, doesn’t it? You’ve tried it. Been to all over the goddamn world – and wherever you went it was the exact same shit that you tried to get away from.
If you really cared to venture out into the corners, maybe you’ve seen one or two of those fewer and fewer places that aren’t ruled by law and culture and business and society – the problem was: They weren’t for you! Because you are used to paying people. You are a user of credit cards and all sorts of electronic payment. You can’t be bothered to do the work yourself the way you’re required to out there. You’re a ruler of the ethereal realm! You pay those people who are lesser than you! Less educated, less professional, less experienced, less dominant and less intelligent! You earned your status – you don’t do real work!
You murmur those thoughts to yourself in silent anger and contempt! When and how did you become this frightful coward – so deeply ashamed and manipulated by all those opinions you challenged your entire life?
It seems like yesterday that you mocked the life out of your neighbors when they got design furniture – and now you have it everywhere yourself – not because you want it – but you gotta do something with that money, right? Where else should it even go?
You hate yourself as these thoughts are running through your mind. It is all a show you’re putting on: Sex, money, success – nowadays even real estate – though maybe except for the sex you never wanted any of it! Who the hell are you even playing to? You hate your neighbors, your subordinates, your so-called friends and every goddamn soul in this godforsaken city! Why are you so incredibly stuck? What are you afraid of losing?
“All and nothing!” is your answer. “All” because all these things: Your job, your status, your money, your partner, your so-called friends, your comfortable city-life – everything you’ve ever worked for – must go. “Nothing” because you never wanted any of this, you hate it now and you hated it then – so you might as well just leave it.
Much, much easier said than done because of your ferocious pride! You’ve earned it! Cause you’re better than these other assholes – that’s the other prayer you keep repeating in your head!
You were always ahead of things. Made sure you came out on top but now – because you were so damn victorious – your own success is coming down to haunt you – because you never learnt humility.
Your own false pride is what’s preventing you from starting the life you really want. You need to learn humilty. You need to accept that you have absolutely nothing! Nothing at all that means anything to you! You wanted your freedom and you thought money would buy it but it is really holding you down right now.
That is why you are pursuing findom and maybe a lot of other subversive interests. You want release! From this vicious pride and superiority that binds you. For just a moment of ecstasy. You’re craving it, your hung, addicted – but even while in this so-called surrender you’re still desperate to call the shots.
Your force yourself onto these people – these social media dominants – because you really don’t give a fuck! You make THEM shiver in humiliation by having to watch what you do to yourself and then you pay them – just like you pay all those other people – because YOU always call the shots.
You like to humiliate these people! Rendering them fake performers in a play that you really stage – and you project your self-loathing onto them – because you are so viciously addicted to the money and status that you hate. You want to externalise this addiction – this low self-image that you really have – onto someone with less money, power, status – again reinforcing your position.
It doesn’t get you anywhere. These so-called dominants are really your subordinates and you do with them whatever you please. You enjoy yourself while doing so because you know THEY don’t enjoy it.
You need a different kind of servitude to really liberate yourself. One where your acts of loyalty and dedication are ordered by your God! One where you don’t get to stage a play but really put your life into the hands of someone greater!
Someone who is not himself addicted – to money, status, fame, success. Someone who lives in physical reality – not the matrix you control. Meet the god that you will love. The one who’ll make you truely surrender – to lose this false identity of yours and finally become who you are.